Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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