this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
