I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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