Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
