We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
