I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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