Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
