At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
