After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
