Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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