I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
