Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize