The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize