Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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