I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
