R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
