4 words: hood of his car
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
