Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
