Me too!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
