New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ketchup is God's man juice
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
