jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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