i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize