I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
