So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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