OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
