I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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