i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
