why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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