The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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