I CAN MOONWALK!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
