I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
