Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
