Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
