respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
