Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I love having hate sex.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
