Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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