Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize