I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize