Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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