what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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