i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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