I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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