so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
