He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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