Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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