We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
