Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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