Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
don't judge my taste in strippers
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
