the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
