we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
