Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
