I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
