Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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