I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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