I wish life had little blips of pornography
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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