They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
