I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
