conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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