thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I will pee on everything he values.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
