The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
