My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
