The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
