It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just high enough for therapy.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
