Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
