you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
