yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
