how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
