the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
