So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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