peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
