I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
