I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
