I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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