Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
