Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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