we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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