Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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