oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
