Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
