the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
