Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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