Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
