so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Please don't give away my fajitas
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
