im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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