you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
