Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
