I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize