Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
